Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Duck Duck Cougar?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
