Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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