hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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