I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
