I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
