And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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