If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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