just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
