I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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