I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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