Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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