Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
