What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize