I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
