It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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