Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
