I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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