Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
