Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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