I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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