So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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