I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
