I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
