do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
