I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
