I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
