I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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