We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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