Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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