p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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