What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
