A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
