ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
