Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
