You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize