he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
