is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize