That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
