i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
