STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
