Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
