sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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