well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
