you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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