Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
