Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
