I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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