Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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