Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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