Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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