I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
