listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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