I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
