Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
