I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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