i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
