Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My day in three words: secret purse cake
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize