You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize