Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
