Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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