Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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