I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
