I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
