is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
