kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
honey bunches of taint.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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