Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My bed smells like the plague
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