Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
