Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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